Find your rung
More than 20 years ago, Dave Ellis wrote a little book (out of print now) called “Falling Awake.” The most powerful revelation in that book for me as a coach is how the levels of language (what Ellis calls the ladder of language) can impact how we think about a situation.
Ellis (2002) asks his readers to experiment with their language: Listen for obligation in your language. This morning, I told my husband, “I have to be at work early today.” Yesterday I said, “I should go to exercise class today.” How did I feel when I said this? Heavy and not too excited. I even felt a bit defiant and resistant. (As a matter of fact I skipped exercise class, but I did make it to work early!)
Using the language of obligation is how we give our power and agency away. It indicates that we have no choice and that external forces control or guilt us into actions. It is very un-motivating. Changing the language we use can increase our excitement and commitment. Consider pushing yourself to go as high as you can up the ladder of language. Perhaps that means using the language of possibility: “I could go to exercise class tonight” or the language of preference “I want to go to work early tomorrow.” The higher levels on the language ladder Ellis describes are:
Passion: “I’m eager to get to work early tomorrow.”
Plan: “I plan to get to work early tomorrow”
Promise: “I will go to work early tomorrow.”
These final three levels are energizing and motivating. Sometimes even saying the words are enough to get you moving toward your goal. If you can’t say these words at the higher rung, ask yourself, with curiosity and kindness, why?
Maybe you feel stuck, or maybe you don’t plan or intend to do what you say you want to do at all. If you find that is the case, question yourself: What would it take for me to be able to say “I am eager to do this” or “I will do this”?
My former coach Kathy Kee used the humorous phrase, “Don’t should all over yourself!” Now, when I think “I should finish that report today” I habitually change the thought to “I want to finish that report today” or “I will finish that report today.” If I hear myself say that and feel it to be untrue, I ask, “Why am I resisting this?” It could be as simple as I don’t know where to start, or I am not really sure it is a good idea to write the report at all. The answers might prod me to create a different intention and plan.
Citation: Ellis, DB (2002) Falling awake: Creating the life of your dreams. Breakthrough Enterprises. Available: https://www.fallingawake.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/FallingAwake.pdf
